Just one of those days April 30, 2008

Today has just been one of those days when everything goes right!

I made an appointment to get my hair cut tomorrow. It’s been a year since I’ve cut my hair, so I am way past due for one. I am also getting my hair colored by Karen’s friend on Friday…so be prepared for a whole new Chrissy (well at least on the outside, I’ll still be cool on the inside ).

A while back, my advisor had signed me up for a summer class that met on Wednesday nights from now until July. Tonight was supposed to be my first night of this class. This meant that I would have to miss c3 community groups AND So You Think You Can Dance for most of the summer, so I have been pretty bummed about that. This morning I decided to give it one last shot, and try to get moved into another class (all of the classes were full, so I hadn’t been able to switch). So I went in to UCF this morning, and they were able to override me into a class that meets on Wednesday afternoons instead of nights. They switched me at about 10:45 this morning and the class started at noon, so I had about 30 minutes to go home, eat lunch, grab my books, and drive back to campus for class. The timing was crazy! I am one happy girl because I won’t have to miss community groups or SYTYCD!

And the best and most important part of the day: I was approved for a loan that will cover my tuition, books, AND pay off my credit cards! This made me very, very happy.

I feel like things are turning around for me. It’s a good feeling to not be in a constant state of panic.

I have been in a constant state of fear the last few weeks about all of this stuff, and it’s like Byron said on Sunday, it’s not the drowning, but the breathing that sometimes takes all of the work. That’s how I’ve felt. 2 Timothy 1:7 was part of the message on Phobias this past Sunday. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, and of self-discipline.” That has seriously been my verse to live by for the week. One of the things that Byron said that I jotted down, was that the spirit of fear can be depressing, destructive, and deceiving. It is so true. I’ve been bogged down by all of this fear of how I’m going to make it, that I have been pretty depressed. I’ve never tended to be depressed or moody (I can only recall one other time in my life that I felt depressed), but I have been so weighed down with stress that I think I’ve been heading in that direction. (Karen is my roommate and would probably agree that I’ve been a tad bit unpleasant lately, lol. She understands why though, she’s just cool like that.) So I’ve had to give all of my junk to God, and make a conscious decision to have faith that what He said is true. God knows I struggle with trusting anyone, so I’m sure He knows how hard it’s been to just trust Him about all of this. Once I did, everything I was worried about turned around completely.

I keep saying that I am happy, but I think joyful would be a more accurate word. I’m learning to trust God and believe in His promises, and I think because of it my spirit of fear has been replaced with a spirit of joy. It feels amazing!

So, funny story that made me laugh…I was in the elevator at school today and these three German guys walked in and were talking amidst themselves (in German) for a minute and then asked me (in English luckily) what I thought of the American education system. I found it rather funny, because I am going to be a teacher in the American education system, and do not think very highly of it. More specifically, I don’t think very highly of Florida’s education system. I didn’t know what to tell them. They looked pretty excited to be in America, so I didn’t want to burst their bubble, so I just told them that overall it is a good system, but it does have it’s flaws (like financial aid, tuition & book prices, teacher salaries, etc.) They seemed satisfied by that, so I left quickly before they asked any other random questions. I thought it was funny and I appreciate randomness, so I thought I would share

A blog about Mondays does not deserve a title. April 28, 2008

It is Monday again, which means that the weekend went by way too fast. I enjoyed every second of the weekend, especially having my family here, but it’s back to the real world of classes and work.

I loathe Mondays.

I think it’s because on the weekend I can be spontaneous (not that I always take advantage of that), but during the week all of my time is scheduled. For some reason when I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I feel like my whole day is shot.

Of course this is just me being utterly ridiculous. This happens on occasion.

There are two things that slightly redeem Mondays for me… all you can eat wings at Gator’s Dockside. Whoever decided to do have wing night on Monday is a genius in my book! And thank you CW for moving Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill to Monday nights. It makes Mondays somewhat less of a drag.

So heres to Tuesday!! Simply because it is not Monday.

Family Weekend! April 27, 2008

This is the best weekend My mom and brother are here visiting, and I am wishing they didn’t have to leave tomorrow!

Last night I picked Stephen up from The Social downtown (he was at a concert) and then we grabbed dinner with Karen at Urban Flats. So yummy! Then we walked around downtown just being silly and taking pictures. My brother is such a trip; I love that kid. Then we came home and watched The Kingdom, but Stephen fell asleep so we didn’t actually finish it yet.

My mom got here this morning and we went and hung out by the pool for a while. Stephen stayed inside because he hates the sun, lol. He’s such a wannabe emo kid, although he swears he’s not. To tell you the truth I think the whole emo/scene kid label thing is ridiculous. We came back in and Stephen tried to fix my guitar, but only ended up changing one of the strings Then we went to the Mall at Millenia so I could take my mom to XXI Forever, because I love that store and I figured she would too. We had a run in with this really mean lady in Starbucks that “cut off” my mom. It was hilarious. And best of all we went to Ikea, my second home. I was so excited showing them everything, it was like they had their own private tour guide! lol. Gosh, I seriously want to live there. We also went to Chiles and ate some tasty wings and got….chocolate cake!

So now we are at home relaxing, and are going to start Sweeney Todd!

Here are a few pictures from last night…

The Wizard and I… April 24, 2008

My last blog was borderline depressing, I apologize. I’ll keep this one happy!

I just got home from taking a final exam. It was easy, maybe because she told us word for word what to study, lol. Before the test….

I SAW WICKED!!

It was incredible! If you are familiar with the story or even the music I would strongly encourage you to go see this musical! Even if you aren’t familiar with it, you should go, because you need to be cultured j/k…but seriously…go! I know every word to all 17 songs, and I thought that I would sing along the whole time, but I was so in awe of everything on stage that I wasn’t even thinking about singing along. The set was basically one big interchangeable piece of artwork, I’ve never seen anything like it. We were lucky because there was an amazing cast performing today. I was afraid I would be disappointed if the actors didn’t sing like the original cast that’s on the CD I have, but they were all very talented, and played their characters very well. I will definitely go see it again eventually.

On the note of theater…The Orlando Rep. is having auditions next month, and I’m thinking about trying out. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and since I was gypped in high school (thanks mom and dad lol) by being home schooled, I didn’t get the chance to be in theater. So I have to pick a comic monologue and 16 bars of a song to sing. I am not the best singer ever, but I’m sure they can stick me in the choir somewhere, lol. I am going to do 16 bars from No Good Deed from WICKED (of course!), I just don’t know which 16. Hmm.

Here is a video I found of No Good Deed…it’s a little blury…but it’s my favorite <3

This one is Defying Gravity…also amazing

Life and Death… April 23, 2008

I was driving to Coldstone earlier this evening to get ice cream (Karen always craves ice cream when it’s chilly outside, don’t ask me why!) and on the way there, we saw a really bad accident. It looked like there was only one car involved, but I don’t really see how that would be possible. There was a large van flipped completely over with the tires in the air, and it was facing the opposite direction of how the cars in that lane move. They had the entire block taped off and weren’t letting people through; it was a mess. As we drove by on the other side of the “scene” we could see the paramedics tearing away at the frame of the van, trying to pull out what I could only assume to be a body. There was no way that whoever was in that vehicle made it out alive. I was overcome by this wave of sadness because someone just lost their life, and because that someone has people close to them that received a call tonight telling them their loved one passed away.

Seeing this reminded me how fragile this life is. I know this is so cliche, but we really can’t afford to take anything in our lives for granted. I know for me personally, it’s easy to dwell on the things in my life that I wished were different or better, when I should be focusing on the things in my life that are amazing, and how I can make someone else’s life better. Today I was laying by the pool reading chapter 6 in Rob Bell’s Velvet Elvis. In this chapter he was talking about the words heaven and hell, and that he feels that these words not only describe a supernatural place, but that they can describe the state of things on Earth. One quote that I found particularly interesting was, “The goal isn’t escaping this world but making this world the kind of place God can come to. And God is remaking us into the kind of people who can do this kind of work.” How profound! I always hear Christians say that they can’t wait to get to heaven so they don’t have to deal with these problems we face on Earth. Instead of complaining about how unbearable it is to be here, why not try to make it as close to being in heaven as we can by following Jesus. Obviously that is easier said than done when talking about changing the whole world, but if everyone did one small thing every day to make their little part of the world a place that God could come to, how much of an impact could we make? Just a thought. I am going to spend the next couple of days thinking about what part I can play in making that change.

My prayers go out to the family of whoever was in that van tonight (whether they are alive or not), and also to Karen’s family. One of their family members just lost her battle with cancer yesterday afternoon.

Sundays Rock my Socks :) April 20, 2008

What started out as a hectic and disappointing week turned out to be an incredible one! I finished all of my coursework for the semester which amazes me, because in January I didn’t think it was possible to do so much in four months, but I got through it! My finals should be fairly straight forward and mostly common sense stuff. I’m not worried.

Friday I went into the financial aid office at UCF to ask them about loan stuff, and the guy told me that I was getting a $400 grant for the summer!!! I was beyond relieved to know that I would be able to pay for classes and graduate on time!

Last night me and Karen met up with Stephanie and Valonda at the Cheesecake Factory. Oh my gosh, it was delicious! And funny…I think our server thought we were a little loopy, but he was cool about it. Even after we asked him to replace our sweet tea (which tasted like mint toothpaste) with Coke.

Church this morning was great, as always. Good music, good sermon! We sat up front with Katie, which was kinda strange. We had to look like straight up to see the screen and I felt like if I looked straight ahead the band would think I was staring at them, lol. It was funny. I am really getting a lot from the Big & Rich series that Byron is doing right now. I’ve heard many pastors speak about tithing and finances, but never like this. It makes so much sense to me now. It’s slightly ironic that this series would coincide with the worst financial difficulty I’ve ever faced. It’s good though. Byron made one point that I found especially interesting…He was talking about how if we are faithful in giving God blesses us in tangible ways, but also in intangible ways sometimes. One example he gave today of an intangible blessing was being fired from a job only to find a job that will be more amazing, or for a relationship to end. He said that we usually get so upset about what’s happening that we really can’t think about the fact that God may be trying to bless us. I was really fascinated by that. With all the relationship drama I’ve been through in the past 6 months, I was too upset about losing the relationship to stop and think about how good it could be for me in the future. Now I see exactly what he meant. I am so much better off now, and I know eventually I’ll be in a relationship that blows the last one out of the water. But 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have said, “Oh, God just blessed me through my relationship ending.” Ha ha, it was actually quite the opposite of that. But today when I stopped to think about it, I was like “Whoa, that really did turn out to be a huge blessing!” So that was pretty sweet.

I am a little bit organizationally challenged, so I am going to go finish putting all of my clothes away and organizing all of my papers from the semester. This should be a blast

I need a miracle. April 16, 2008

I got a call from my Dad last night letting me know that I’m only getting $25 back from my tax return and that he applied for another student loan for me (for housing and tuition) and was denied. Apparently he has too much credit and I have a bad dept to income ratio. Duh! I’m in college full time, doing an internship, working only 8 hours a week…how is it possible for me not to have more dept than the income I’m bringing in??? So anyway, my Dad basically said I wasn’t working hard enough and that I better get a second job. I was honestly astounded that he said that to me. I am seriously working my butt off in school and doing my best to keep my head above water financially. He seems to think that I’m up here having a great time just goofing around. Which is not the case at all. I don’t have a social life, because I’m always home doing homework, which I don’t mind. I’m up here to get an education, so that’s where my focus is. I will be the first person in my family to get a bachelors degree and alls he can say is “your not working hard enough”?…Did I mention that I have A’s in all of my classes??

So here I am with only enough loan money to pay my rent for the next two months, and I don’t know how I’m going to pay my tuition for summer classes and continue to pay rent. I was sick to my stomach all night, because I honestly don’t know how I am going to survive. I can hardly afford to buy food and fill my gas tank, and it’s really scary.

So I guess tomorrow I will be going out on a search for another job. I don’t know who will hire me with the amount of hours I am available to work, but I’m praying something will open up. I need a miracle.

Before I had that bomb dropped on me last night, I was having an amazing day. It was my last day at my internship. My teacher had me do all of the teaching Monday and yesterday (I guess she thought that would be a nice going away present, lol). At the end of the day, my teacher and the teacher in the next room had me and the other intern go outside for a while. When they brought us back into the classroom, each student was holding a flower in their hand. They had us sit down in the front of the room, and one at a time the kids brought us their flower and gave us a hug!! So after everyone in the class brought me a flower, I had an entire bouquet! I’m not usually very emotional, and it takes something big to make me cry, but I just about lost it when they did that!! Having the love of a child is one of the most amazing feelings ever. They also presented me with a book they made with their pictures in it, and each child drew a picture of their favorite memory with me. It was adorable And there was also chocolate cake, which made them so hyper ha ha. I ended up staying until 6 to help hang up the Australia stuff in the hallway, which turned out amazing! Friday night the school is having International Night, where parents can walk through the hallways and see all of the kids work (each grade did a different counrty). So I’m going to go check that out and take pictures as promised.

I’m heading off to Barnes and Nobles. I seriously need to unwind and just chill before I have to come back home and work on the three projects that are due Friday. Whew.

Defying Gravity April 12, 2008

So last night when I got home I was way too tired to blog! Me and Karen went to Universal Knights, which is when Islands of Adventure opens up the park late for UCF students. We met up with some other friends and rode a few of the rides. I love riding the Hulk at night!

Yesterday I found out that I am going to see WICKED in a couple of weeks!!!

For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s a broadway musical about what happened before Dorothy showed up in Oz. It’s my favorite musical of all time! I’ve watched it on the computer from someone who snuck a video camera in with them, so it wasn’t great quality. I am so psyched to finally see it! (Thanks Karen for the early birthday present!!) I feel so bad for whoever sits next to us, cause we will totally be singing all of the songs, ha ha.

So that’s all! I was just excited. I’m going to babysit tonight for the triplets that I used to be a nanny for, so that’ll be fun!

Unworthy April 11, 2008

Lately I’ve been dealing with feelings of unworthiness. Obviously none of us are worthy of God’s love, but he loves us just the same, so it’s not Him I’ve been worried about. I know what kind of guy I want to be with, and I have higher standards now than ever. I want a guy who loves God with his whole heart (among many other things), but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to be with a good guy. I feel like a guy that wonderful wouldn’t want to be with me because of mistakes I’ve made in the past, and that’s a really hard thing for me to think about. I can’t change the way I lived for a while, but I don’t want it to rule the type of life I could have in the present or even in the future. I came to a realization this week though. During Jesus’ ministry, he chose disciples that were considered in that time to be low-life’s, he had parties with sinners, and let a prostitute wash his feet! They were the people that needed Him the most, and those are the people he commonly associated himself with; not the self-righteous pharisees. So if Jesus could accept these people for who they were and the mistakes they had made, he can and has done the same for me! I know He has forgiven me, and I have finally forgiven myself. So…wouldn’t that mean that the right guy should be able to do the same. If Jesus forgave me, so can any human.

This all seems rather silly now that it’s out of my head and being typed, but it truly has been bugging me! Holy cow! It just hit me why I think this way! Wow. About two years ago, I really liked this guy at my church. I had it bad! I was talking to one of his good friends (who I had also been friends with at one time) and we were talking and sharing about past mistakes and living the way we shouldn’t, and it came up that I was interested in his friend. He pretty much told me that because of a few bad decisions in a really dark time in my life, I was no longer good enough to be with his friend. I was obviously taken aback and hurt by this…which eventually led to another year and a half of despising “church people” and getting off track with God. I know I shouldn’t blame people for my decisions, but I left church because I was hurt by these people. So now here I am, two years later, with my relationship with God better than it ever has been, yet I’m still thinking less of myself because of this guy! I am making the choice to forgive him and move on….

So Bob (I’ll call him that since I don’t want to say his real name) I forgive you for hurting me and saying I wasn’t good enough. I know that God has forgiven me and thinks I’m good enough, and His opinion is the one that counts.

Ah, better, lol. Now I have to work on the whole patience thing. Trust me, if God would speak to you in an audible voice, he would say, “Chrissy has really been bugging me lately, asking when I was going to hook her up with the man I have chosen for her. She really needs to just sit back and trust me, cause I’ve got her covered, and I’m just waiting till she’s ready and he’s ready. I need to be enough for her before I give him to her.” Seriously, I’m pretty sure that’s what He would tell you, ha ha. It’s just so hard to know that he’s out there and probably really amazing, but knowing it’s obviously not the right time.

Don’t get me wrong…I really am happy with my life right now, and all of the really cool things God is doing in my life. Being single is definitely not a bad thing…I just feel that I have a huge capacity to love someone, and that God gave me a strong desire to one day get married and raise a family. But like I said, I am impatient. Maybe it’s just that my life is so fantastically amazing that I want someone to share it with?? I don’t know. Last night I told Karen that every time she sees me she should say, “Stop thinking about it!” lol. I don’t want to be that girl who is desperate to be in a relationship, because I really don’t need to be. I am an amazing person, and eventually someone will see and appreciate that.

I think I fully bared my soul and embarrassed myself enough for one blog Maybe the whole blogging thing wasn’t my best idea ever, especially since I tend to pour out my entire heart, whereas normal people just talk about music and tv shows and such. Or do they? I really don’t read other people’s blogs.

Here’s another one of my favorite dances…cause I know you’re dying to see another one lol….it kind of goes with the theme of this blog. (another couple of dance classes and this will totally be me! ha ha

Motivated April 9, 2008

Whew! What a long day!

I got about two hours of sleep last night! I have no idea why, but I just couldn’t fall asleep! I can’t think of anything more frustrating than laying in bed watching the clock until 3 am, knowing you have to be up at 6. So I finally just got out of bed and was looking around ikea.com for a while. Finally went to sleep around 4. I was at school today for my internship, and it was a pretty crazy day. We had a camera crew video taping our classroom! I tried to stay out of the picture, but there were like 3 of them walking around :/ Then we were working on hanging up the new hallway decorations, which I didn’t mind because we are starting a unit on Australia!! I love Australia! All of the Kindergarten classes are doing it, and we do these class rotations (kind of like moving from homeroom to another class, then another every hour) and our class and the class next door are covering the Australian Rain forest. I was hoping for the great barrier reef, but that’s ok. So we hung up the Rain forest background and as we go we will hang up the kids work. Today in our rotation the kids looked at a power point about Australia and the Rain forest, and then they did this adorable art project where they made different flowers that are found in that region. They turned out sooooo cute. I’ll try to remember to take a picture of the whole hallway when it’s all finished. As much as I don’t want to be a Kindergarten teacher…I must say, we do some pretty cool stuff. So me and Morgan (intern in the next room over that I carpool with) didn’t leave school until about 6:00! So when all of us education majors were told that teachers had the greatest schedules…they were lying lol, cause I just pulled an 11 hour work day! It’s so worth it though. I’m going in tomorrow again to help out even though we only have to be there Mondays and Tuesdays.

I do feel like all my hard work is paying off though. I had my final evaluation today with my supervising teacher and my university coordinator, and they both gave me rave reviews, and close to perfect ratings in all of the areas we have to be proficient in. I love doing what I do regardless of whether or not I receive praise, but it felt good to know that two people who have been teaching for years and years are so confident that I am going to make a good teacher. Next Tuesday is my last day, which is kind of sad! It’s amazing how fast I became attached to these kids and the teacher! I can’t even imagine how hard it’s going to be to say goodbye to kids after an entire year of being their teacher; I’ve only been with this class for 6 weeks or so. I still miss my 5th grade class that I was with for the first half of the internship!

I still have a lot of work to get done by next Tuesday, so I better go get to work, lol.